1 (800) 523-6781
(530) 888-1311
|
Monday - Thursday |
Adoption Center of Northern California |
Since 1986 |
About the Adoption Center
Our office has a caring, supportive and knowledgeable staff. We work as a team with you, taking into consideration your needs, preferences and circumstances. Each adoption is a blend of support, counseling, and honest communication among all concerned.
We will help you with the resources you need to make these important decisions and to get through this difficult period in your life, assisting you to go forward positively and peacefully, following the placement.
Nanci Worcester is the Director of the Adoption Center of Northern California, and has unique qualifications, which allow her to be a very effective adoption professional.
First, Nanci is an attorney who has specialized in adoption since 1986. She graduated from UCLA in 1974, and then received her law degree from Southwestern University in 1981. Her experience and ability as an adoption attorney ensures that the legal issues will be handled correctly and promptly - providing protection for the birthmother, the adopting parents, and the adopted child.
Second, Nanci is an adoptive parent. She adopted two infants who are now in their teens, so she has been through the adoption process personally - from the disappointment of infertility, to the joy of adoption and that is something that education alone cannot provide. Nanci is much more than a "facilitator" or a lawyer throughout the adoption process - she's a friend and an ally.
Deborah Simonds is the Adoption Coordinator and Paralegal. She has been working with Nanci since 1986. Debbie brings a positive and caring attitude to every situation. She is highly competent and experienced in adoption matters.
Marcia Pennington is the Adoption Office Administrator. Her cheerful voice is usually the first to greet you. She is easy to talk to, kind and caring. Marcia's role as friend and facilitator is invaluable in keeping birthmothers and adopting parents informed and reassured throughout the adoption process.
Open Adoption
A True Life Experience by Nanci R. Worcester, J.D.
Adoption is a loving option for a woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, who is not ready or able to parent at this time in her life. In open adoption, the secrecy of years gone by is replaced by trust between the adopting couple and the birthparents and birth family.
For the birthmother to be able to stay in contact with the child is a significant change from handing her baby over to an agency social worker, who will select the adopting parents and knowing she will never see her child again. Open adoption allows the child to know she has two "families" who love her. Her "real" Mommy and Daddy she lives with and who care for her daily needs, and her birthparents who loved her enough to choose a better life for her than they were able to provide at the time of her birth.
I speak from personal experience. When my daughter was born, I fancied myself highly informed and enlightened regarding open adoption. I readily agreed to keep in touch with her birthmother by corresponding with her on an annual basis and exchanging pictures. Thus, her birthmother was able to see for herself that her child was safe and well loved. Our correspondence relationship evolved into two or three times a year and she sent us pictures of her family. This continued for more than seven years.
In the meantime my adoption legal practice grew and so did my knowledge of birth mothers and their psychological needs. Through my law practice, I began networking with other professionals interested in and involved in the adoption field. I expanded my understanding of the psychology of the adopted child and parenting adopted children.
Four-and-one-half years following the birth of my daughter, I was again blessed by being chosen by another birthmother to parent my son. His birthmother and her family knew immediately that they wanted an open adoption, including in person visits and to not only stay in touch, but to have an ongoing relationship with us and our son. Three years later, when his birthmother was married in a beautiful formal wedding our son was the proud ring bearer and we were invited guests! His adoption did not replace his birth family... it simply changed our definition of extended family.
In a closed adoption where there is no contact with the adopted child's birth family, the child faces a loss that she may cope with for the rest of her life. (See, Being Adopted... The Lifelong Search for Self, by David M. BrodzAinsky, Ph.D., Marshall D. Schechter, M.D., and Robin Marantz Henig, Doubleday, 1992). Part of our job as adoptive parents is to help the child deal with this loss. Grieving almost always follows any loss. It may take the form of anger, depression, despair, helplessness or hopelessness. It can be blocked or delayed, but it is a normal and healthy response to experiencing a loss.
As adoptive parents, armed with all this information and involved in one very successful open adoption, I found myself in a slight predicament. Sibling rivalry is alive and well in all families, and adoptive families are no exception. I discovered that the sibling participating in an open adoption can be the object of jealousy by a sibling without access to her birth family.
And so, about the time my daughter was seven years old, I began noticing a subtle change in her personality. She seemed to be frequently unhappy, moody, sullen, and quiet. It finally dawned on me that this could be adoption-related loss and grieving behavior. She had a brother, who frequently and regularly saw his entire birth family, birth mom, grandparents, great-grandparents, and uncles, and even though they treated her as a member of their family, they were not her relatives.
I began the process of further opening her adoption. Through her birth grandfather, I contacted her birthmother and a visit was finally arranged. My daughter met her birthmother for the first time and had a fantastic visit. Of course, I took lots of pictures. This one visit had an immediate, visible, positive effect on my daughter's attitude. She became more cheerful and less negative.
My daughter has now met her entire birth family and has framed pictures of them in her room. I feel as if I have given my daughter the gift of a part of herself that was missing... a part that now makes her a whole person. I have always given her a loving family, but now she also has blood relatives, just like everybody else.
For me, parenting is about loving and nurturing my children unconditionally, whatever issues they face. As parents, we cannot predetermine our children's direction, but can only travel with them, and offer support along the way. As parents of adoptees, we must recognize that our children face internal issues that are different from those of us who were raised in biological families to understand. I have found that the answer is to assure my children of the genetic and historical link between themselves and their birth families. This way they do not have a loss to grieve. There is no one missing from their lives. They will not feel abandoned or rejected by their birth family because they will grow up knowing and experiencing their love, as well as ours.
This kind of adoption is not possible in all instances, nor is it necessarily advisable in every circumstance. Each adoption should be approached on a case-by-case basis, taking into consideration the needs of the adoptive family, as well as the birth parents and the personalities and preferences of all parties. In many open adoptions, contact is maintained on a correspondence basis, sometimes regular, sometimes sporadic and infrequent. There is no wrong way to approach an adoption; however it must be comfortable for all the cooperating parties.
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